A very important ingredient to having a superior relationship lies in good communication. In fact, it is almost impossible to have any kind of relationship with a person unless you are able to relate to him or her. The ability to communicate effectively means that you have to pay close attention and to listen very carefully. We all have different methods of communication. You need to be able to understand, appreciate, and respect how other people communicate, especially your dating partner. A good way to show your date that you are listening carefully to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for example your partner tells you: `You have been very distant lately`, you then say, `So you are saying I have been distant?` Follow up with an open ended question like `Tell me more about what you mean.` By saying that, you can verify what your partner has said and make him or her feel comfortable about talking to you about his or her concern. How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and get your point across more effectively: DO make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to open up more and feel at ease. DON’T make your date feel uncomfortable by judging, criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say. DO relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and attention. Take deep breaths when you feel like you need to end the conversation because of fear or panic. DON’T feel that everything has to be resolved at one time. DO listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other person is talking. DON’T use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking to. DO get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across or if you have any questions.
How many times have you watched one of those dating shows on TV and thought, “I can’t believe he/she just did/said that?!?!” To avoid making similar mistakes on your next date, stick with some of the following ideas… Eye contact is crucial when dating, so it is good etiquette to provide as much attention as possible to your date. They should feel as if they are the only person in the room. Be a listener and do not talk your date to death, particularly if you are male. Listening shows interest and the ability to compromise. If your idea of a date is talking about yourself and your opinions all night then do your date a favor and stay at home alone. Be courteous and complimentary. Your date has made an effort for you and your personal opinions aren’t quite welcome at this stage. Also to this end, always turn up for a date unless you have given plenty of time for it to be cancelled. Standing someone up is rude, and not appropriate adult behavior. Try to turn up on time, and don’t keep your date waiting. If your transportation is unreliable, get going in plenty of time. Being punctual shows respect for your date and shows your responsibility. Try to avoid being opinionated or arrogant on a date and try to avoid discussions about politics and religion on the first date. You will come across badly to your date if you act like this. Additionally, don’t be rude to others on a date. You are trying to show your good side, so arguing about a service charge or whether the wine is chilled enough will make you look like a fool. And remember…arguing with the waiter is a big no-no. In terms of appearance, make an effort to dress well. There is no excuse to look bad. Poor dress shows laziness and will do nothing to promote you. Also, try to be fresh and smell good. You should be shaven, bathed and smell good. It will cost you nothing more than a bottle of quality cologne and some shower gel. Just make sure not to over-do it with the cologne!
The most successful businesses make it a regular part of conducting business by asking their customers and suppliers for feedback. They want to know how they can improve both their products and services. They want their customers to find it a pleasure to work with them. They have a goal of ‘delighting’ their customers. The only way they can do this is by asking for direct input. The encourage complaints. You should do this too. Ask your friends for feedback about you. Are you boastful? Are you fun? Are you shy? Are you easy to get along with? This isn’t about finding our flaws or bashing your ego. This is getting a good look at who you are. I’ve already discussed taking your inventory to get a better look at yourself. Now, it’s time to bring in others to help you. You can do this informally or formally. You can ask your friends to let you know what your three greatest strengths are and what your three greatest weaknesses are. You can ask them what they like most about you, or least about you. You can ask them open-ended questions and let them give you as many or as few attributes as they like. Ask them if they could change one thing about you, what would it be. The point here is not to hurt your ego or put you down. The point is to see how others see you. You may not even be aware of what you’re doing. And you can’t change your behavior until you become aware of it first. Maybe you like what you hear and don’t want to change certain things about you – and that’s fine. But at least you know. Maybe you won’t hear any surprises from your friends. But maybe you will. And once you become aware of the messages you are sending off, you can decide if those are the messages that will attract the kind of person you want. I just ran into a co-worker in the break room. I said, “Why are you scowling?” She said, “Was I scowling? I didn’t mean to!” She wasn’t even aware of how she looked, which makes sense. I’ve had similar comments made to me. We can’t see our own expressions, so maybe we’re not projecting how we feel. There is only one way to find out. Ask. This takes some guts. This is not an easy step. However, just like the most successful businesses that encourage feedback, it is well worth it.
`How do you know when you’ve met the right one?” Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer. But if you’re reading this article, then you’re one of the lucky few. Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be reduced to just four key characteristics. If you can find somebody with all four then it’s highly likely that you’ve found your life partner. 1) What is This Person’s Core Values? Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person. For example: Jerry’s core value is adventure. When Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room. He goes there every night, holds people’s hands, calms them down. And Diana is thinking to herself that Jerry must have a heart of gold if this is how he’s spending his spare time. Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold. But he’s volunteering because of his love for adventure. The ER is filled with action, it’s exciting. So right now, Jerry’s adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way. But that could change. Jerry might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical. However, if Jerry’s core value is a commitment to goodness and caring, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his marriage. And Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him. So how do you get to know the true Jerry? Surprisingly, it’s not that difficult. No matter what a person’s core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If Jerry’s core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase. If Diana follows him carefully, she’ll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities. But if Jerry’s core value is goodness, then Diana will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he’ll say thank you and eat the dish anyway. He’ll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries. If Diana follows him carefully, then she’ll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people. So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate. 2) Does This Person Treat Others Well? Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. How to figure it out? Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don’t necessarily care about because they’re not trying to charm them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don’t deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there’s no one else on the road? Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers – because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most people don’t guard themselves so carefully that they’ll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you’ll know how they’re going to treat you after you’re married. 3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other? In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it’s not. Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: “Oh, I thought you meant that…That’s not what you meant? Oh, then we agree.” Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if it’s happening constantly then it’s not a good sign because that may not change. If you’re constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while. 4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other? Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. You cannot marry someone if you aren’t physically attracted to them. And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before. A word of caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can’t base a marriage on physicality. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level. The rule is – make sure that physical attraction is there, but don’t get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so. So there you have it. The next time you date someone, put what you’ve learned here into practice. It’ll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.
